If I could just . . .

I find myself thinking, "If I could just . . ." and then filling-in the elipse with any number of things: get these papers graded, finish-up the laundry, read that chapter, spend more time with the buddies, actually see my husband when we're both not exhausted . . .

I wonder what the second half of that thought is though. For example, "If I could just get the house picked-up . . ." then what? I would feel better? Be complete? Win a million dollars? Hm. I'm curious where I got the idea to talk to myself like this, why I continue to do so, and what exactly I think I'll "win" if the "If" would always come true?

I suspect that I'm not alone in this type of self-talk. Actually, my guess is that most women with too much on their plates and too many expectations of themselves recite this or other similiar mantras almost daily. Or hourly. Perhaps my experiment for this weekend should be that everyone time I hearing myself "If I could just . . ." I'll fill it in with " . . .sit here" or " . . . pray" or " . . . do nothing at all." My guess is that while this is what I need to do, it will feel very uncomfortable. Now, if I could just get through the rest of the day so that I could start this experiment  . . .