Just In Case

While surfing the net last night, I suddenly remembered that once upon a time I actually wrote entries for my blog . . . so just in case anyone ever read this- I thought I would say that I might visit again once in awhile.

I thought it would be too much pressure to compose a cohesive entry upon my revival, so instead I am going to offer the random musings from my brain as I cleaned my house this morning. These are in no particular order:

1. How is it possible that the 12-year-old who lives in my house who can not only throw a fastball, curve, and slider, AND know when and how to use these various baseball pitches cannot somehow figure out how to put his underwear INSIDE the laundry basket and not on his floor?

2. Living in a one bathroom rental house makes cleaning really fast and easy.

3. Living in a one bathroom rental house while your house is getting built still sucks.

4. My children think it is hysterically funny that I have a blog. Brats.

5. Patterns are the warp and woof of life. And the sooner we discover ours, the better off we are.

6. I like C.S. Lewis. But somehow I am afraid of him. Like, who the he double hockey sticks does he think he is to be so wise? Except, that he is.

7.  I wonder if those spiritual searchers who think that the faith that they are not seems somehow more "right" (Christians who say they are more Buddhist, Buddhists who are intrigued by Christianity, etc) ever wonder if their attraction is just because it is "other"?

8. Read Wall's  The Glass Castle, and now am reading Murray's Breaking Night. A bit too much dirty children and hungry bellies for me--and I know that is the point--and I keep reading like getting ready to see the train wreck happen. . .

9.  One can get used to almost anything. Except not having my books at my fingertips.

10. Why does it seem like if I take ONE day off of running, I put on 6 pounds just sitting here?

Okay, well. We'll see how this goes . . .

Who is counting?

 . . .the answer SHOULD be me . . . it has been a long school year by all accounts, and the end of it has been no less chaotic, so I SHOULD be counting the days until summer, but I'm not. Quite. Don't get me wrong, I'm  looking forward to the "nothing in the grading pile" feeling--but I'm not looking foward to the "ACK what do I do without a schedule" feeling. This probably puts me squarely in the tiniest minority of teachers. Most of my colleagues have had a count-down going since mid-April, many of them have purchased their pool passes and have already broken-in their golf clubs--but me? I'm wondering what to do with myself 12 hours a day when the boys are off playing in the neighborhood and I'm free from the pressing weight of a "to do" list. Yes, I'm quite aware that this makes me broken and wierd and whatever other label one might ascribe to my deviant psychosis--but it is me, and I'm not sure what to do about it other than to own it. And to make a list. Of what to do this summer.

Amazing Grace

I have loved this song since I was a little girl. My parents had it played at their wedding. When I learned the true story behind the writing of this song, I was moved to tears. Stayed up late one night by myself watching the movie version of the story. The letters in those two words even look attractive set next to each other. But why is the concept of free, unearned Grace so very difficult for this mortal to understand? Perhaps that is indeed why it is Amazing. As someone who hears and integrates "Truth" so much more readily than "Grace"--I think I've found my journey . . .

Hiatus

Okay, so I've been on one. Not for some lovely profound reason, just because I've been busy--okay the whole family has been busy. We've lived an entire basketball season, started baseball, assigned, collected, grading and reassigned 140 some essays, prepped two new units for AP, given up some stuff for Lent--trying to do some new stuff for Lent--visited with some old friends, watched A LOT of basketball--both high school and college, prayed Mom through 2 Cancer surgeries, and well, ate, slept, and wondered if I would ever blog again.

So, I think I'm back--and hopefully the next post will be more inspired than this!

The Road to Hell . . .

 . . .is paved with good intentions. And it has been my intention since I began this blog to not pollute it with too much political ugliness. If one were to care to read my random blathering with even the slightest attention, I'm sure that I haven't exactly hid my political views--but this was never to be a place to rant--at least in that arena.

So rant I won't, and be original, I'm not at all, but I am in this strange place of simultaneous sadness and frustration. So I think it best that rather than take-out my funk on my unsuspecting children, one of  whom, tangentally, made me crack-up today because he told me that I "misunderheard" him, I shall write a bit.

 If anyone were to care to know, I would call myself a solid Democrat. But today I am saddened by the legislation that tramples a bit on the separation of church and state. By this I am referring to the health care reform bill that requires Catholic churches, hospitals, et al to provide within the dictates of their insurance policies, coverage for birth control and abortions, etc. This isn't because I am completely anti-birth control--I have at times in my life, run counter to my Catholicism in this--and I would still advocate for its mindful use in certain ways. And I believe that Catholics have the personal responsibility to decide for themselves which part of their insurance coverage that they are or are not going to use--which is what all of us Catholics who are currently covered by insurance plans that already provide for this kind of coverage must do. Instead, I am saddened that this legislation forces the hand of private instituions to provide something that is against their beliefs. If said institutions are accepting government funding, then yes, I understand they are under the government's hand in regards to such legalities--but if they aren't? Then what?

So, no ranting here--more just some disappointment that my beloved party that is so often accused of over-reaching is actually guilty this time. I don't believe that Obama or his health care team has an agenda against the Catholic Church--as the loaded language surrounding this issue might suggest--but I do think that this decision has larger ramifications than what was originally intended.

This recent development is not enough to make me jump ship--or parties however. I deeply value the sanctity of life--and for me, this also includes being anti-death penalty, involves heavy gun control laws, and thinking deeply and spiritually about the build-up of military power. All-told, this keeps me a Democrat--just a grumpy one right now.

To Be Called

Oh, I so believe in this idea. Being "called" that is. But I find myself back in the familiar place of wondering just what that means for me. I seem to understand, or believe it when others say that they've been tapped on the shoulder by Him--but it never seems quite so clear in my own life. I've been sifting through some recent events (okay, more like observations of other's events) in my own life, and I'm left wondering a couple of things . . .

1. Does a person get more than one major calling?
2. How does a person discern the difference between a personal desire/interest and a calling? Or, are they the same thing?
3. Can a person be unaware of a calling? Or does He, realizing that He is being ignored in favor of some less worthy pursuit, realize that, and reach down and shake one by her collar, waggling finger and all?

I have my version of answers to all of these questions, but they still rise to the surface of my dailiness, asking to be attended to. It is all interesting to me when I have felt more content lately than I have in a long while, but all around me, important women in my life are busy adopting and birthing children, saving the world, changing and advancing in their careers, and I am, well, grading more papers and attending to my little corner of home, and those who need me at school. The big question for me then, is, "Did I miss a memo somewhere?" You know, one that told me that because I don't have a "next" on my horizon that I should be looking to offer my gifts in some new way like so many of the lovely ladies around me are doing? My wise big sis offers that maybe this is my time of rest--and that may be. But why is my time not cycling with my sister-friend's time?

Maybe perhaps, I'm being called to be still. That would be a new "next." For me, anyway.

Mom

Unconditional love. Patience. Knowing. How Awe-some (stealing from my fav. Madeline L'Engle here) it is to be blessed by having a mother who is also a friend. Mine is soo kind, generous (to a fault), flexible, spontaneous, and probably one of, if not THE, strongest woman I know. It is so so hard to watch her struggle with her health right now, but she is even grace under fire. There are days when I don't know what I've done to deserve such a Mother and Mentor. If only I can be this Mom to my kids . . .